The Season of Transition

     This season of my life has been a very interesting one to say the least.  I have been very dissatisfied with where I am in my spirituality, in my work, in my relationships, in my church life, in my home life, etc...  It seems as though every area of my life is stuck somehow and refuses to go forward.  Now I have plumbing issues that have been ongoing for about a month without any solution that is affordable.  I was telling the Lord this morning that I feel my spiritual condition is manifesting in the physical realm through my plumbing issues.  This seems to happen to me a lot, I will have a spiritual issue going on in my life and it will somehow show up in my physical reality.  Then there are times I will have a physical reality that will later show up in my spiritual reality.  This is one of the ways the Lord speaks to me about what is going on in my life and sometimes in the lives of others.

     Anyway this feeling of being stuck appears to be manifesting in every area of my life.  I am ending one season and trying to transition into another season. However the transition is not happening and I feel stuck somewhere in the middle, not being able to go forward and not being able to go backward either. To give you an idea of what this looks like I am going to relay some of the particular events occurring in my life during this season. First of all, I felt the Lord asked me to lay down everything I had been doing at church in order to come to a new place of intimacy with Him as well as concentrate on helping my daughter transition into the next phase of her life.  I did that back in July-September finishing up my last obligation in December.  So every place in which I had identity within the church structure is gone.  If you have ever had to do this you can understand what a loss this is and how it feels like a large piece of who you are no longer exists.

     Next, I have been a mother for what seems like my entire life, it has been my identity and I would not know how to live my life without being a mother to someone.  My youngest child is now 18 years old and has moved to Los Angeles to go to college.  She wants to be an actress and influence Hollywood with the love of the Father, which by the way, she was made to do and I know she will do.  So much of the last few months of my life have been consumed by making sure she had everything she needed to achieve her dreams and goals and get her moved to California.  She is now safe and happy in a good home where she is loved and encouraged to go after God and everything He has for her.  So where does that leave me?  Without a child to mother; and another part of my identity that has been taken away.

     I have always felt I would one day get married again and have hoped for the day when I felt released to date.  I never felt God wanted me to date while I was raising my children for their sanity as well as my own.  Now that my children are grown I feel a release to begin looking around at the men the Lord has placed in my life but I am not having much luck.  I feel transition in this area is right around the corner and at the same time very far out of reach.

     My finances have always been a place of faith for me.  I felt after my divorce the Lord still wanted me to stay home as much as possible, like I did while I was married, in order to be there for my children and possibly diminish the effects of the divorce.  So for 11 years raising my children the Lord has provided for us without me having to work full time.  His provision has been a beautiful thing to watch and He has taught me so much about myself and about Him that I would have never learned otherwise.

     I am very thankful for this journey of faith He has taken me on over the last 11 years.  Over the past several months, however, I have been receiving words and confirmations that there is coming a change in my finances, that bills would be completely paid off, and I would have an exponential increase in my finances.  So I have been very expectant looking at any opportunity that comes up to see if God is in it.  However, if you look at my circumstances right now with being $88k in debt with school loans, no car, a part time job where I receive donations for my services, my daughter's school bill of over $9k half of which is due now, plumbing issues that are going to run about $1800, no money in savings, no help from family members, and no responses to the many job applications I have sent out, you  may say where is God in all this. He is not showing up at all.  Unfortunately, I cannot go there with you.  My experience has been God always shows up and makes a way when life looks impossible. Although I know God will show up, I still feel stuck unable to go forward and unable to go backward.

     I asked the Lord about this feeling of being stuck because I have learned over the years that anytime I am going through transition there will be times of feeling lost, lonely, and confused.  In the past these times have been seen to be the result of the Lord trying to get something out of me that is not like Him or doesn't line up with who He is or His Word.  I have learned many lessons over the years and the most important one of all is to go to Him in those times when I don't understand and am tempted to question what I already know to be true about Him.

     So after laying all of this before Him this is what I heard Him say, "Suzanne, I am preparing you for the next season and there are parts of you having a hard time with it, but now is the time and my timing is perfect.  You will get unstuck and it will be a place of freedom and rest for you.  I am teaching you new things in this season that will open up in you an awareness of Me and My plan for you to walk in.  This awareness will propel you into the next season of your life.  Write about what you are experiencing in this season and how I am showing you My grace and revelation of who you are.  The time for the sons of God to be revealed on the earth is fast approaching and I have prepared you to be revealed."

     Okay, so that is why I am writing all this down in my blog, because I feel as I get more and more revelation and I share it, more and more revelation will come and I will grow into who He created me to be.  One of the places that I am getting revelation is through the teaching of Ian Clayton.  The Lord first hinted at the fact that He wanted me to listen to him back in July when Rachael came home for a month.  She told me about him and we listened to one of his teachings on a road trip we took together.  At the time I was very impressed with what I heard and wanted to hear more, however, life got in the way and I ended up forgetting about him and what I had heard.
   
    Then when Elizabeth and I went to California in early December to look for her a place to live, the lady she is living with now asked if I had ever heard of Ian Clayton.  I told her the name sounded familiar but I couldn't place it.  She told me a little about what he taught and that she and the church she attends really agree with and follow his teaching. I couldn't argue with the things she was telling me that he taught but I didn't know this guy and what he taught and I was leaving my baby here with this woman, so I was a little skeptical.  However, I did not have a check in my spirit so by the time we got back home and life got in the way I didn't think about again.

     Then again when we went to California to move Elizabeth there we talked with the woman again about his teachings and again I was skeptical but didn't have a check in my spirit.  So I talked with Elizabeth about it and we both agreed we needed to listen to his teaching before making a judgment call and we both agreed it seemed weird but we weren't discerning anything that wasn't of God.  Elizabeth agreed that she would keep her discernment up and pray about whatever came up, so I felt better.  After getting home I was determined to check out his teachings in order to make a sound decision.

     Once I listened to the first teaching I was hooked.  I began to grow in the Lord exponentially because I finally found a place where I felt I was really being fed.  The reason his teachings are so different is because he teaches the Bible from a Hebraic standpoint instead of a Greek standpoint.  He interprets the Scriptures from the Hebrew instead of the Greek so a lot of what he says can really test your theology, make you think, and go to God for the truth which in my case has always the best place to be. I am amazed how his teaching has begun to answer so many questions I have had over the years about certain Scripture passages.  I have a Master's degree in Theology and have studied the Bible extensively over the years with so many questions unanswered.  Hearing certain explanations of passages from a Hebraic standpoint has opened my eyes to so much more of an awareness of the nature of God and has brought freedom through understanding and revelation.
   
     I have learned so much about going into the court room of heaven and taking care of business there instead of trying to do it from an earthly standpoint.  We have been given an open door to the throne room of God to ask for forgiveness and be called righteous before God, to worship in His presence without fear, to claim what is our inheritance through the shed blood of Jesus, and to petition God on our behalf for the things we need from moment to moment.  As a result of interceding from the court room of heaven instead of from an earthly place I have seen some of the places in my life become unstuck over the last few days.

     Money has come in to take care of my plumbing, which I see as a sign in the spirit realm of the beginning of the physical realm becoming unstuck.  As the plumbing problem is getting resolved I have also seen money come in from unexpected sources to begin to cover my daughter's tuition costs and I received a phone call for an interview for a job.  Slowly the pipes of my life are being unclogged as I gain more and more revelation of my position in this earth as well as in heaven and I am certain I will see the completion of free flowing pipes in the natural as well as the spiritual very soon.

     If you would like to hear some of the teachings I have been listening to you can go to ITunes and put in Ian Clayton podcast in the search and you will see about 23 teachings you can download for free.  Also, if you get hooked like I have you can find teachings you can purchase at his website: resources.sonofthunder.org

     I hope you will take the time to check out his teachings, I know it will inspire you and bring revelation.

Is My Fruit Visible and Active?

Today I read something that really made me stop and consider my walk with the Lord and how I was fairing in accomplishing that endeavor. Lately, the Lord has had me revisiting the small but powerful book, The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.  Brother Lawrence was a 17th century monk who made it his goal in life to include and recognize God in every aspect of his life spending every waking moment in constant communication with Him. He is known and remembered for his intimacy with the Father.  In his book today I read, "Necessity is laid upon us to examine ourselves with diligence to find out what are the virtues, which we chiefly lack, and which are the hardest for us to acquire; we should seek to learn the sins that do most easily beset us, and the times and occasions, when we do most often fall."  While recognizing sin in my life and repenting of it may seem a normal part of the everyday Christian life, the Lord seemed to put a new spin on it for me that caused me to realize I am not where I want to be regarding this area of Christian foundational teaching.  I tend to look at the big things as sin and overlook the everyday small things that quietly and slowly put a wedge between me and God.  I felt the Lord was trying to go deeper with me in this area and show me what was really inside my heart.

First He asked me what the virtues Brother Lawrence was speaking of were.  When the Lord asks you a question, you know it is for your benefit because He already knows the answer.  So I thought about it for a while and realized I really had no idea. Yes, there are many things we can insert into the category of virtuous, but all those things seem to have to do with my actions and it felt like the Lord wanted me to go deeper.  The dictionary defines virtues as, "moral excellence; goodness, righteousness; conformity of one's life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude; chastity; a particular moral excellence.   There are cardinal virtues defined as, "justice, temperance, prudence, and fortitude; natural virtues which the dictionary defines as, "any moral virtue of which humankind is capable; and theological virtues such as, "one of the three graces: faith, hope, or charity, infused into the human intellect and will by a special grace of God.  While this is all good and explains it somewhat, it just didn't seem to get to the meat of the issue for me.

So I asked the Lord just what He was trying to get me to see in this passage from Brother Lawrence's book.  Then it occurred to me that the Lord infused into us His virtues when we received the Holy Spirit.  Galatians 5:22-23 give us the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  I realized that these were the virtues He was getting at.  He was asking me to check my heart and determine how much of these virtues could I see occurring in my daily life.  He showed me that the fruit of the Spirit was sort of a litmus test He had given to us as Christians.

The way we can determine if we are growing in intimacy in our lives is to periodically check the fruit.  As we grow in intimacy with Him the fruit becomes more evident in our lives because we are spending more time with Him. Just like our children tend to "become" like what we have modeled to them, so we "become" what we see modeled in God through our relationship with Him.

It is not about working to be perfect and have the fruit be shinny and bright so everyone will see we are "godly" because we have worked hard to be.  It is about being ourselves, loving Him, being with Him daily, talking to and including Him in our everyday, moment by moment life.  Brother Lawrence puts it like this,"It is the schooling of the soul to find its joy in His Divine Companionship, holding with Him at all times and at every moment humble and loving converse, without set rule or stated method, in all time of our temptation and tribulation, in all time of our dryness of soul and disrelish of God,  yes and even when we fall into unfaithfulness and actual sin."  He goes on to say, "...we ought to cease for one brief moment, as often as we can, to worship God in the depth of our being, to taste Him though it be in passing, to touch Him as it were by stealth."  It is this kind of relationship and intimacy that brings about the fruit of His Spirit being manifested in our daily lives.

So I decided to create a scale of sorts in order to somehow measure the fruit that I see manifested in my life on a regular basis.  It goes something like this: on a scale from 1-10, 1 being "I can't see any visible or active fruit in my life" and 10 being "all I see is visible and active fruit in my life".  I took each fruit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control and rated each of them 1 to 10 with a perfect score being 90.  I am not going to tell you my results because I feel that is between God and I but it did open my eyes up to the realization that God sees things as sin that very often I don't even consider in the running and I am a long way from my 90 point mark.

Taking a daily, weekly, or monthly rating of visible and active fruit in my life will hopefully keep me on track in growing in my intimacy with the Father and result in the manifestation of my life looking more like His heart than mine.  I encourage you to refocus your heart and check on your fruit.  I promise you will not be the same once you do.

After writing in my blog last night I had an experience with the Lord that I felt I should blog about as well. If you read the last blog you'll appreciate this experience.

I went to bed last night and was fast asleep when I was awakened by a knock on the wall above my bed.  It sounded as if someone was outside my house and knocked hard on the wall above my head.  I have been awakened like this before and the Lord has always had something profound to show me or tell me.

So I knew when I heard the knock the Lord wanted me to wake up.  I looked over at the clock to see what time it was because He has spoken to me through the time on the clock before. The clock said 12:25 am.

My first thought was the time represented December 25th and that maybe the Lord wanted to tell me something about Christmas.  So I asked the Lord what He was saying and I felt He said to look at Hebrews 12:25, "So see to it that you do not reject Him or refuse to listen to and heed Him Who is speaking [to you now]. For if they [the Israelites] did not escape when they refused to listen and heed Him Who warned and divinely instructed them here on earth [revealing with heavenly warnings His will], how much less shall we escape if we reject and turn our backs on Him Who cautions and admonishes us from heaven?

After reading this scripture I knew the Lord was confirming to me what I had written earlier that night in my blog.  We must turn and position ourselves so that God can bless us and we can escape the consequences of our actions.

Sorry it's been a long time since I last posted here, however, I've been about the Father's business else where.  I wanted to take a few minutes and just jot down some of my thoughts so I hope you'll give me grace for that.

This year has been an amazing year, so much has transpired and yet I feel there'll be so much more to come.  I feel the Spirit moving in so many ways the urgency inside my spirit continues to grow larger and larger until some days I find myself crying out for the Lord to break through and reveal Himself completely!  I find myself continually frustrated. Not out of being in the wrong place but out of knowing God is moving in the earth but feeling the need to push Him a little to make Him move faster. I know, I can't push God!

At times I feel my spirit will explode with His goodness and yet I still see so much anguish and heart ache all  around me.  This frustration seems to center around the next move of God and how it'll be manifested in the earth as well as in my life.  I feel revival is already here, many are turning their lives around and following fast after God, but then I see so many who are struggling with the very foundations of their beliefs because of injustice, heart ache, broken relationships, and not having a clear understanding what God's doing in this move.

I don't know if anyone can fully understand what God's doing and where He's taking us as a body of believers, but what I do know is I don't have to understand it.  He's in control and He knows right where we are individually.  He's very aware of our struggle, of our lack of understanding, and it doesn't hinder His movement in any way.  One of the things He continues to remind me on so many levels is the nature of my part in His movement.  My part is only to OBEY!  Nothing more, nothing less.  I'm continually reminded of the way Jesus obeyed the Father when He was here. He did nothing apart from the Father, (John 8:28, 5:19) He only did what He saw the Father doing.

So what's the Father doing today? Romans 4:17 says He's calling those things that are not as though they already existed.  I believe this is what He was doing when Jesus was here on the earth and I believe He's still doing it today. He did it for Abraham and He's doing it for you and me.

So what should we be doing?  Calling those things that are not as though they already exist in our own lives as well as in the lives of others.  We need to be calling our country back to who God created it to be, calling our leaders to who God says they are, and calling our families, friends, and neighbors to who God created them to be.

Part of my frustration is the urgency I feel for this country to turn back to God.  Our leaders have made some grave decisions that have postured this country in a position of having our backs to the very One who brought us to this land and gave us the freedom to create a nation under God and for the people.

Unfortunately we can't entirely blame the leaders, after all we're the ones who voted them into office in the first place and we're the ones feeling the consequences of that action. It's our job to stand in a place of repentance and turn our hearts back to the Father and pray for mercy.  It's also our job to seek out truth and life in every place even in our voting in November.

This election isn't about a man it's about truth and life.  It's not about who's right and who's wrong it's about life and death. (and I'm not talking about pro choice or pro life)  Jesus didn't come to judge the world, He came to bring life. (John 5:24)

As we decide who we'll vote for in the coming election we need to explore our values and morals, the places we see life and death.  Our standard should not come from a party or a man but should come from the written Word of God.  If the Bible is our standard to measure against those running for the highest office in our government we should be able to put aside parties and men and what they do or don't do and vote accordingly.

We're not electing a pastor, we're electing an administrator who will facilitate our morals, values, and beliefs and bring life back into this country.  Life comes from God, no where else!  If we vote according to what brings life the decision will be clear.

I urge each and everyone who reads this blog to get on their knees and pray for this country, pray for your own hearts, and pray for mercy.  We have turned our backs on God and we must stand in a place of repentance and turn back to Him our only source.  This should be our only posture in this urgent time and as we position ourselves toward Him, He promises us in 2 Chronicles 7:14 He will heal our land.  It's time to position ourselves!

Transition can be a scary thing, but if we can lay back in the Father's arms trusting that the waves won't over take us we can be like a leaf floating down river coming upon rocks but not crashing into them, falling over waterfalls but never going under, or rushing through the water at speeds that seem overwhelming but knowing we are protected from every element we are whizzing by. We can lie back and rest knowing He is in control and letting Him guide us through. Knowing we will come to a stop in the place that will give us the most satisfaction and joy because that is His heart for us.

The Lord is my Shepherd

     Sorry to take a break from Revelations but I feel the Lord wants me to post about what  I am going through now.  Recently I have felt like I am in transition.  I know a lot of people feel this way so I thought the comfort I have been receiving from the Lord may also help others through this time. 

     My life feels like it is going through the valley of death, death to dreams, death to finances, death to identity.  Everything seems to be ending at once with no clear vision of the future.  My youngest child has turned 18 and is growing into a godly young woman, although I should be happy about this, she is my last child and I feel we are both moving into a whole new stage in life and I will no longer be "mommy".  Most of my life I have been "mommy" to someone, that has been my identity for so long I am not sure that I know how to be anyone else.  Also I have had three sources of income for many years now and this year those sources have either begun to dry up or will dry up over the next few months.  I went to college for 8 years in order to find a job in the field that I love, helping people and have been working steadily for the last two years toward building up that job.  Now all of a sudden over the last three months I have seen a steady drop in business to the point of barely having any income.  I have also felt all the life I once received from helping people slowly dissipating.  I no longer gain any satisfaction or life from what I felt called to do.  It feels like a part of me that has always been there, including my dreams for the future in this field, is dying right before my eyes.  I could go on and on this way as there are so many other areas this death seems to be touching in my life.  But God!  

     He is so good and faithful!  He never leaves me and I can always depend on him to be there for me.  Last Sunday at church during worship I got a vision of myself as a little girl and I was holding my hands up to Father God, like a kid would who wanted to be picked up by their daddy.  I saw him reach down and pick me up in His arms.  He wrapped His arms around me and I felt so comforted and safe.  I looked at His arms and they were very big and muscular it was almost as if just one of His arms was bigger than me.  As I looked at His right arm I saw a word tattooed on it in large letters, it said DEFENDER. Then I looked over at His left arm and it also had a word tattooed on it in large letters, it said RESTORER.  I knew these words were for me.  I knew also He was saying He was my Defender and Restorer and I could feel safe in this huge arms because they would fight for me and restore everything I felt was dying.  After that encounter I felt His peace come into my heart and I knew that even though I did not have a vision for my future it would be safe in those arms.  

     Yesterday I was feeling that sinking feeling again, and my mind began to question my circumstances and God about my future and the seeming death of what seems like everything around me.  I was talking with God about what I should do about finding another source of income and He said rest and let me take care of it. But Lord, shouldn't I work with you, isn't that what you ask of us to work with you.  Then I heard the familiar scripture running through my head, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me to the still waters, He restores my soul."  So I went to my amplified Bible and looked it up and this is what I found.

       Psalm 23

          1.The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. (I had written in the

              margins here -I shall not shrink, fail, or get ripped off) 

          2. He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful

              waters.

          3. He refreshes and restores (I had added in the margins - He renews) my life (my self); He leads 

              me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him - not for my earning it, 

              but] for His name's sake.

          4. Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread

              no evil, for You are with me;  Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

          5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my

              [brimming] cup runs over.

          6. Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and 

              through all the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling

              place.

     Through this Scripture the Lord re-emphasized what He was saying to me on Sunday, He will take care of me, He knows my future, and He is my Defender and my Restorer and He is yours as well.

     Again today I was thinking about my how my income is drying up this year and I have no idea how I will pay my bills and cannot seem to get a clear picture of what I should do next or where I should look for a job.  I have known for some time that this was coming but was hoping that God would prosper the business I have been trying to build up, the business I felt He called me to do so that it would cover the loss of income I would have this year.  It looked as though that would happen as through the months of October to January I had more business than I have had since I began.  Then February came and March and April with little or no business at all and little or no income at all.  Then the Lord said to me, "This is 2012, 12 is the year of government.  I am setting up My government over your life.  Some things have to come to an end in order to make room for other things to begin.  My government is so much wider and fuller than what you have been living under and it will now reign over your life in that fullness and power because I am making room for it.  I have your future in my hands, trust Me to be your Defender and Restorer."

     So today I again put my toward God, looking beyond my circumstances and listening for His voice to lead, guide, protect, restore, and bring me life.  I hope you can too.

 

Revelations From the Book of Revelation

Post 2

John begins the book of Revelation as, “a revelation of Jesus Christ”. He said God gave this revelation to Jesus so that we could know the things that were to come to pass.  Jesus then made them known to John through a messenger so that he could write them down and we could know as well.  John makes it clear in Revelation 1:4-8 that this vision of the things we need to know is coming from God the Father, Holy Spirit, and Jesus. He goes further by identifying the very nature of each one so as to not be misinterpreted (Revelation 1:4-8).

Starting in verse 12 John states that while he was in the vision he turned to see who was speaking to him and it is here where he begins to relay what he saw; which are the very attributes of Jesus given to the churches.

“Then I turned to see [who was] the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands [One] like a Son of Man, clothed with a robe which reached to His feet and with a girdle of gold about His breast. His head and His hair were white like wool, [as white] as snow, and His eyes [flashed] like a flame of fire.  His feet glowed like burnished (bright) bronze, as it is refined in a furnace, and His voice was like the sound of many waters. In His right hand He held seven stars, and from His mouth there came forth a sharp two-edged sword, and His face was like the sun shining in full power at midday. When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as if dead.  But He laid His right hand on me and said, Do not be afraid! I am the First and the Last, and the Ever-living One [I am living in the eternity of the eternities.] I died, but see I am alive forevermore; and I possess the keys of death and Hades (the realm of the dead).” (Revelation 1:12-12 Amplified)

What did John see?

            John first saw the seven golden lampstands; these represent the seven churches to which John was to send the vision.  He saw Jesus standing in the midst of those lampstands.  Jesus always stands in the midst of His people so that they may have free access to Him as well as to the Father.  He is our bridge or connection to Father God.  “…I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one can come to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) 

John goes further to describe this One, Jesus, and His appearance is unlike anything we could imagine.  As we read each physical attribute that John relays; the picture that forms in our minds can seem a bit unreal even frightening.  But, if we take each aspect one at a time and ask ourselves “Why does He look this way, is there some reason behind His appearance?” we may find peace in knowing each one of His physical attributes are there for our good, our safety, and our provision.

Just scanning the description we can see correlations between the wordings in these verses to the wording John uses in other chapters as he addresses each church.  “His eyes [flashed] like a flame of fire.  His feet glowed like burnished (bright) bronze” (Rev. 1:14-15); these are the same words used to address the church in Thyatira in Revelation 2:18.  "In His right hand He held seven stars"  (Rev. 1:16) are also seen in addressing the church of Ephesus in 2:1 and the church of Sardis in 3:1. "From His mouth there came forth a sharp two-edged sword" can be seen in 2:12 as John states to the church at Pergamum that Jesus "has and wields the sharp two-edged sword." Then in 1:17-18 John says Jesus is "the First and the Last, and the Ever-living One" which he also relates in 2:8 to the church in Smyrna and again in 3:14 to the church in Laodicea as he states Jesus as the "Amen...the Origin and the Beginning..."
John also begins each address to the churches with other descriptions of Jesus beyond those similar to the first chapter which give more insight into the provision we have in Him for what He is asking from us.  We will continue to examine each one of these aspects of Jesus' character seen in chapter one within the next post.