Daily Nugget

"For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord..."

Jeremiah 29:11 - 14

Forgiveness: Implications for Wellbeing

Thesis Statement
Forgiveness is a gift of God that can bring restoration to all aspects of one’s life.  Through the process of receiving forgiveness from God, being willing to forgive others, and forgive oneself, an individual can find healing in the theological, psychological, and physiological expression of humanity.  

Forgiveness: Implications for Wellbeing
If you have done your fellow a little wrong,
let it be in your eyes great.
If you have done him much good,
let it be in your eyes little.
If he has done you a little good,
let it be in your eyes great.
And if he has done you a great wrong,
let it be in your eyes little.
The Jewish Talmud[1]
            This quote from the Jewish Talmud sums up the issue of forgiveness as it relates to the human experience.  Forgiveness is a concept that many people never consider.  It seems to get lost in our fast paced, far reaching society. As individuals go about their daily lives forgiveness becomes and after thought that someone else needs to ask rather than a way of life.  This paper will take into consideration the concept of forgiveness and how it relates to every aspect of the human experience. It will explore the possibility of forgiveness as a means to wellness through its theological, psychological, and physiological aspects.  This author desires to not only bring clarity to the doctrine of forgiveness but also to give insight into its use as well as its benefits for the spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeing of man.
Theological Aspect of Forgiveness
Forgiveness appears to be a theme that runs throughout the entire Bible.  It is woven in historical events, parables and lessons to be learned.  Within the pages of the Pentateuch there seems to be a story pattern of sin, punishment, and forgiveness as seen in the Genesis stories of Cain and Abel, Joseph, and the Sinai wanderings.[2]  It is as if God wants the knowledge of forgiveness to be understood from the very beginning of time.  Most believers understand the need for forgiveness but do not fully understand the power to forgive. It is easier to relate to a fallen Adam than to a victorious Christ.  As a whole the body of Christ is a forgiven community of believers called to be a forgiving community of believers, knowing our sinful state and need
for redemption but also participating with Christ in the act of forgiving and healing.  Forgiveness surrounded Jesus’ ministry even to the last words He spoke before he died.  Forgiveness must be understood as central to the mission of the body of Christ as demonstrated by Jesus on the cross. Each believer is called to be a representative of forgiveness and healing to each other as well as to the world.[3]
When studying the Scriptures on forgiveness it is easy to see that God commands Christians to forgive as well as holds them accountable for it.  Matthew 6:14-15 clearly shows that if we forgive those who hurt us God will forgive us, however if we don’t forgive others, God will not forgive us.  Also Matthew 18:23-35 reveals to us the parable of the unforgiving servant and persuades us to forgive through duty, responsibility, accountability, and desire to please God avoiding the act of displeasing Him.[4]
Defining Forgiveness
            According to Lenski forgiveness is best defined as remit, dismiss, or send away.[5]   Wilson also adds pardon, and release from a debt as she utilizes the Lord’s Prayer found in Matthew 6.[6]  Within Kendall’s definition he expounds on the idea of release from a debt as he also employs the Lord’s Prayer to show that as we pray, ‘forgive us our debts,’ we are asking God to let us off the hook.  He states that the Greek word for forgive found here translates ‘let be’ or ‘to send away’ citing that God would not do anything to punish us for our sin, letting us stay as we are and wiping away what we owe, not holding us liable for our debt but letting it go.[7]
Worthington’s definition of forgiveness seems to be the most all inclusive, stating clearly aspects that are found within Scripture.  Forgiveness according to Worthington is “an altruistic reduction in the desire to distance, seek revenge or defend oneself and a desire to reconcile if good moral norms can be reestablished.”[8]
It is important for our purposes within the context of this study of forgiveness to gain a greater understanding of what forgiveness is and what it is not.  Many authors agree forgiveness is an altruistic act, a gift not deserved; however it is also where justice and mercy come together creating a space for reconciliation to occur.[9]  Enright espouses that forgiveness is not condoning or excusing, forgetting, justifying, calming down, or even pseudo-forgiving.  It is more than just accepting what happened, ceasing to be angry, being neutral toward the other, or making one feel good. [10] 
The understanding that the act of forgiveness does not minimize the hurt nor does it condoning the hurtful act, will allow for a measure of resignation to the forgiveness process.  Forgiveness is not revenge; one should not wait on the offender to suffer or make restitution.  If however restitution is paid, forgiveness is no longer needed.  Also forgiveness and reconciliation is not the same thing.  Forgiveness can occur even if reconciliation is not chosen.[11]  Forgiveness is an action as well as a process and with a greater understanding of its meaning one will find it easier to trust in the process.
Biblical Forgiveness
In gaining a clearer picture of the concept of forgiveness it is important as believers that we know what the Word of God has to say on the subject.  The Bible not only helps us to
understand the concept of forgiveness it also helps us to come to the realization of our need for forgiveness.  The ability to forgive comes from being forgiven. Wilson in her book Hurt People Hurt People, states it this way, “Unless we experience forgiveness, it is impossible to forgive others.”[12] It is easy to underestimate the extent of our sin debt and at the same time over estimate our ability to balance the scales with our good deeds.  God shows us the depths of our sin in His Word and how He made it possible through the sacrifice of His Son to cancel our debt to Him (Col. 2:13-14). However, if we still believe we owe a debt that will eventually have to be paid we live our lives as if under a ‘some-grace’ theology never really accepting the forgiveness we have in Christ.  When we operate from a ‘some-grace’ theology we do not consciously possess the grace needed to offer to others who have offended us.  When one sees himself as debt-laden he cannot see the necessity in canceling others’ debts causing him to live in a state of bondage and pain. (Matt. 18:23-35)[13]
On closer examination of Scripture we observe that the Old Testament sacrificial offerings were designed to bring forgiveness to the repentant.  Responsibility to offer the sacrifice was placed into the hands of the offender just as it is today.  When we sin we must take responsibility for our actions and its effects on others.  We need to be reconciled not only to God, but also to those we have wronged. (Lev. 6:5-6)  In Isaiah 43:25, reconciliation with God can be seen as Isaiah pronounces that God blots out our transgressions and forgets our sin.  When he states, God ‘blots out our sins,’ this is to say our slate is wiped clean.  He knows what we have done, but He chooses to treat us as though we never sinned.  Since God forgives us we can also forgive ourselves. 2 Samuel 14:33 presents a clear picture of forgiveness allowing for reconciliation in the example of David and Absalom.  After all that Absalom had done against David he was still willing to forgive him and open the door of reconciliation.[14] 
One if the principles of forgiveness found in the Old Testament is centered on the fact that God knows everything, He has seen it all, and yet He still declares you forgiven. (I Chron. 28:9) This is seen in the story of the life of Joseph.  Joseph exemplifies the character of God as he chooses to forgive his brothers.  After being sold into slavery by his brothers and enduring prison and accusation, God exalted Joseph to a position of authority which led him to face his brothers once again.  Although he had every opportunity to get even he chose to forgive them.[15] Genesis 50:20 sums up Joseph’s journey of forgiveness when he says to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
            In the New Testament the story is the same, forgiveness can be found many places.  A few references include: Luke 11:4; Romans 3:23-24; 6:23; 5:15; Colossians 1:13-14; II Timothy 1:9; and I John 2:12.  The theme of each of these verses is the forgiveness we can find in the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. The New Testament talks about the effects of unforgiveness on our lives in Matthew 18: 34-35, when it shows us that out of ignorance and bitterness if we refuse to forgive others we subject ourselves to all manner of torment.   Also in Matthew 7:1, we are told not to judge, criticize, or condemn others so we are, not judged, criticized or condemned.  Both of these Scriptures teach of living a daily life of forgiveness.  Matthew 18:21 tells us how often we should forgive, seventy times seven.  This means just keep on forgiving, being gracious and merciful forgiving others out of love. If we refuse to forgive it reveals our heart and our lack of understanding of how much God has forgiven us.[16]
The Ultimate Act of Forgiveness
Jesus dying on the cross was the ultimate act of forgiveness.  He died so that we would have a way to forgive and release others from offense.  He knew others would hurt us, so He made a way for us even before we needed it.  This act of divine forgiveness presumes that there is sin in the world humanity is in need of forgiveness.  As such our sin distances us from the holiness of God creating helplessness in us to overcome our history of sinfulness.  Forgiveness then becomes a judgment pronounced over our inability to free ourselves from the bondage of our sin. There is no curative behavior, restraint, or disciplinary recompense that can remedy our sinful state.  We must accept meekly the only option tolerable to God which is the gift of forgiveness.  God is the only one who can bridge the distance between us and Him, by accepting us with our sin and deficiencies.  Luke 15:11-32 shows us a picture of God accepting us this way as the Father is seen waiting to receive his son back into his arms and unabashedly embraces him in his shame and filth.[17]
Throughout His ministry Jesus spoke often about forgiveness. In Luke 7:43-47, He states that we have been forgiven much, so therefore we should love much. By experiencing a deeper level of God’s love and forgiveness we can extend that same love and forgiveness to others. This is a principle each believer can use on a daily basis to counteract resentment, unforgiveness, or anger.[18]  In Mark 11:26 Jesus relates God’s forgiveness toward us to how we forgive others, when He says if we do not forgive others God will not forgive us.  As we ask forgiveness from God expecting to receive it, the thankfulness in our hearts should cause us to willingly forgive those who have offended us.[19]
Psychological Aspect of Forgiveness
            In studying the doctrine of forgiveness the natural inclination is toward the psychological aspects that play a part in receiving forgiveness and being willing to forgive.  There arise questions as to the need for forgiveness as well as how forgiveness really works.  Emotional roadblocks to forgiving others are always present and need to be addressed if true forgiveness is to be attained.  Does everyone need forgiveness?  How do I receive forgiveness?  What does it mean when I forgive?  These are all questions that hinder the process of forgiveness in the lives of individuals.
Why Do We Need Forgiveness
Forgiveness is for everyone and everyone needs it.  As we have seen previously the Lord’s Prayer offers a practical way to apply forgiveness on a daily basis as we pray the way Jesus instructed us to pray.  Kendall states that the Lord’s Prayer “shows us that we need daily forgiveness as much as we need daily bread.”[20]
Within the context of the Lord’s Prayer Jesus takes for granted two things, the fact that we have been hurt by people and that we in our sinful state need to be forgiven.  Romans 3:23 states that we have all fallen short of God’s glory, and many times people fall short of taking care to treat us with the dignity, love, and respect that we feel we deserve. Just as we hurt God, and want our debt to be erased, so to those who have hurt us need their debt erased.[21]
Our need for forgiveness psychologically and emotionally is great.  Forgiveness helps us to move on in our lives, to not be held under the control of the person who hurt us, and to create space for God to draw closer to us. (Matt. 5:43-48)  As we draw closer to God bitterness and resentment has to leave.  Forgiveness also keeps our behavior from becoming like the person who offended us.  When we hold unforgiveness in our hearts it is we who suffer not our perpetrator.[22]
Another aspect of forgiveness that can be overlooked but is very important emotionally and psychologically is the need to forgive ourselves.  Although, there is no biblical reference stating specifically that you have to forgive yourself, and it is easy to justify not doing it on the grounds that the Bible doesn’t teach it, forgiving oneself can bring great freedom and release.  There are a few Scriptures that hint at the concept of self-forgiveness. Matthew 22:39 teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  We cannot love ourselves if we are holding on to self-hate and therefore we cannot love our neighbors.  Also Mark 11:25 states that we should forgive any one we have a grudge against.  Again, if we are living with self-hate, we have a grudge against ourselves and should forgive ourselves.[23]
When God says we are forgiven but we cannot forgive ourselves we are placing our opinion of ourselves above God’s.  We must accept not only His forgiveness but His estimation of us as forgiven, agreeing with Him and not subtracting from His gift of mercy and grace.  II Timothy 1:9 tells us that we have had his mercy even before the beginning of time.[24]  Forgiving yourself on a daily basis is a good way to practice the discipline of forgiveness. It is easier to forgive others if you first forgive yourself for your mistakes and sinful acts. Forgiving yourself will help you to take the focus off of who is “right and who is “wrong” and accept that conflicts are a two-way street. 
How Does Forgiveness Work
            Forgiveness does not always come quickly, we can say the words, but the emotion or feeling may come later.  It is a process, a lifelong process that requires an understanding of feelings and allowing God to heal the wounds within our hearts.  Action is also critical to the process.  Forgiving one person usually leads to the realization that others need to be forgiven as well.[25] Forgiveness requires our response to the moving of God in our hearts in order to find the motivation to forgive others as well as ourselves.[26]
            At times there are hindrances that block our progress toward genuine forgiveness.  When we feel we cannot forget about the offense we must remember that we can live past it.  II Corinthians 13:11 commands us to live in peace with others. Even if we remember the hurt we should forgive and seek to live in peace. When we don’t feel like forgiving we must remember feelings follow actions.  Our motivation for forgiveness should be our love for God, not just because we have a warm feeling in our heart toward someone. We cannot wait to feel like forgiving we must just forgive and our feelings will catch up to our actions.  Forgiveness is not a human emotion it is a characteristic of the God who lives inside our hearts.[27]
            Another mistake that we often make is looking to the one who hurt us for healing, recompense, or payment.  When we do this we only become more wounded as our offenders do not have the means to pay us back for the pain inflicted or the ability to remove the pain we are experiencing.  God is the only one who can heal our hearts and remove the pain.  True forgiveness can be attained without the offer of sincerity on the part of the offender.  As one forgives they are emotionally released from the offense as well as the offender, however there may be no impact at all on the one who is forgiven.[28] 
Certain stipulations are attached to forgiveness.  It is not a bargaining chip, negotiation tactic or a magic trick to control someone or get what we want.  It is a risk as we cannot always know the results of our forgiveness.  Forgiveness and trust is not the same thing. Forgiveness changes people however the first person it changes is the one doing the forgiving.[29]
            In our attempt to attain a level of genuine forgiveness we must find compassion.[30] We are also forced to abandon our dream of having a past that never could be so that we can truly know the reality of our life and what it can be.[31] The best way to know if we have truly forgiven someone is when we know we are going to see or talk to our offender and we realize we can do it and still remain in a peaceful place.
            When and how to forgive will be unique for everyone, there are no absolute formulas to forgiveness.  Remembering that genuine forgiveness is a process and takes time to fully find its expression, will help to strengthen our resolve.  Healing will come as a result of forgiveness and make room for more of an ability to love and forgive others. (Eph 4:31)[32]
Forgiving and Asking for Forgiveness
Although every individual and case is different there are some basic guidelines for forgiving that can be found in both secular and Christian counseling arenas.  Robert Enright, in his book, Forgiveness is a Choice, offers guideposts for forgiving.  He states that forgiveness needs to be accomplished in four phases: uncovering your anger; deciding to forgive; working on forgiveness; and discovery and release from emotional prison.[33] According to Enright, successful forgiveness results in a reduction or elimination of negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the offender.[34]
Although Enright’s theory and book are not meant to be based on biblical precepts they appear to suggest the same approach which can be found within the context of many Christian authors on the same subject. Christian Clinical Psychologist Everett Worthington Jr. has developed a helpful guideline for walking through the forgiving process.  He calls it R-E-A-C-H:  Recall the hurt; Empathize with the offender; Altruistic gift of forgiveness; Commit publicly to forgive; and Hold on to forgiveness.[35]  When we can accept the fact that the sin is not the sinner, take our offense to God in prayer asking Him for mercy and love on behalf of our offender, and confront our offender if necessary in grace, truth, and love telling them we have forgiven them, then we have fully come into a place of forgiveness. (Col. 3:12-13)[36]
            Another aspect of forgiveness that begs to be addressed is when we become the offender.  We are human beings and as such we naturally hurt others whether intentionally or otherwise. When this happens it is important that we employ the principle of confession, whether it is to God, His representative, or to someone we have hurt.  Confession involves four aspects: recognizing that the other person is hurt, understanding our part in their hurt, agreeing that our actions were wrong, and wanting to alter our hurtful behaviors.[37]  At times our request for forgiveness falls on deaf ears and the offended party cannot bring themselves to forgive us.  It is at these times when we must live in the forgiveness God has already provided for us through Jesus.  Our job is to seek peace with all men while realizing we may never gain complete peace with everyone. (Rom. 12:18)[38]
            I John 1:9 brings hope to the offender seeking forgiveness and reconciliation with God. It states, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  The word “confess” used in I John 1:9 means “to say the same thing.” This implies that the offender recognizes the truth from God that he is a sinner in need of forgiveness. This verse shows us that if we agree with God, He will respond with grace toward us forgiving us and cleansing us of our sin.  Of the twenty-six times the word “confess” is used in the New Testament all of them indicate a public or verbal confession before someone showing the importance of acknowledging our sin before God and man.[39]
Physiological Aspect of Forgiveness
            Forgiveness as well as unforgiveness are powerful tools that affect us spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  Those who employ a daily life of forgiveness are healthy, happy, and live long lives enjoying strong relationships with God and others.  Those who hold on to unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger toward others, feel as if they are victims in life.  They tend to live in a depressed state of worry and fear which in turn takes its toll on their bodies often resulting in sickness and even early death.  Their relationship with God is strained and they cannot seem to find satisfaction in being with or trusting others.  The choice one makes to forgive or not to forgive can have far greater implications in life and relationships than most realize.
Why Do We Need To Forgive
            One of the clearest commands in Scripture in regard to forgiveness is found in Romans 12:14-21.  In summary it states, do not repay evil for evil, do not take revenge, feed and give drink to our enemy, and overcome evil with good.  God is giving us clear directions in how to treat those who offend us.  By holding unforgiveness in our hearts we are keeping the wound of offense open; therefore God cannot heal the wound.  Forgiveness is what brings healing to us, not the other person’s apology.  We are called to love and forgive regardless of the other person’s actions.[40]
Another Scripture that we should be aware of concerning forgiveness is found in Mark 11:25. “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”  We should not be deceived into thinking that our prayers of faith will be heard as long as we are holding something in our hearts against someone else.  It does not matter what attitude our offender takes, we are obligated to immediately forgive without considering any conditions.  Doing this frees us in our prayers before God.  The person who offended us will have to answer to God for his actions, just as we would if we offend someone else.  Jesus offers this instruction to us so that there will be no unforgiveness in our hearts to prevent God from answering our prayers.[41] Rigby offers three good reasons why we should live a life of forgiveness, “God tells us to forgive; forgiveness brings healing to our wounded heart as forgiveness and redemption always go together; and as we forgive we are showing the love of Christ to the one who offended us.”[42]
When contemplating why we should forgive the concept of sowing and reaping must also be considered.  Galatians 6:7-9, tell us that what we sow, we reap.  Just like a farmer sows seeds of corn in the spring, he expects corn to come up in the summer.  The same is true of our lives if we sow unforgiveness and judgment, we will reap unforgiveness and judgment; but if we sow forgiveness and blessing, we will reap forgiveness and blessing.  The judgments which we make toward others opens the door of our heart to the enemy giving him the legal right to carry on our crime even further within our own lives.  In God’s law of justice, Satan is a legalist, taking advantage of this law of sowing and reaping and using it against us to keep us in bondage.[43] We must understand this law of sowing and reaping within the context of forgiveness and choose to follow Jesus’ instruction so God can continue to forgive and heal us.
Consequences of Unforgiveness
            The consequences of unforgiveness are wide and varied.  However, one of the most significant ways unforgiveness can show up in a person’s life is physiologically.  The connection between our body, soul, and spirit has always been a fascinating thing and when unforgiveness is in operation it can be seen very clearly.  According to Enright, unforgiveness leading to anger has been found in clinical studies to be a cause of high blood pressure and heart disease. Therapist Virginia Satir after years of studying family dysfunction also found that anger in one person can lead to illness in another family member.[44] Unforgiveness can also manifest as sluggishness, unexplained nagging physical pain and discomfort, periods of despondency, sleeplessness, and even depression.  In Henry Wright’s book, A More Excellent Way: A teaching on the spiritual roots of disease, he states all physical diseases are a result of three root causes; a separation from God;  a separation from self; and a separation from others.[45]
There are many places in Scripture in which forgiveness and healing go hand in hand.  Psalm 103:3 states, “He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.”  John 5:14 talks about calling the elders to pray and anoint us with oil when we are sick and then follows in verse 15 with the statement that any sins that have been committed will be forgiven.  Wright states, “The first block to healing is a lack of forgiveness.”[46]
Another consequence can be found in the progression that unforgiveness follows in one’s life. This progression begins with being unwilling to forgive which causes bitterness that is actually more painful than the original offense.  This results further in the offended falling into a state of bondage to the offender. Next, distance occurs in other relationships as the bitterness begins to manifest in other areas of our lives.  God cannot work to bring truth to the offender because we and are in the way.  We cannot expect to be blessed by God until we are willing to allow Him to help us forgive.  If we fail to forgive we are the ones who suffer.[47]   Hebrews 12:15 talks about this root of bitterness that can grow up inside of us, causing us trouble as well as corrupting others.  If we allow bitterness a foothold in our lives resentment will develop.[48]
            Jesus tells us in John 20:23 that, If we forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If we do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. It is our choice to make, and we are held responsible for making it.  He also says in Matthew 22:37-40 that the two most important commandments in the Bible are to love God with our hearts, souls, and minds and love our neighbors as ourselves.  If there is unforgiveness in our hearts we are not being obedient to God, we cannot love God with all we are, and we are choosing not to love our neighbors as we should.
Benefits of Forgiveness
            According to Enright there seems to be significant evidence that forgiveness can be beneficial to one’s health.  He states that through his own subjective confirmation and scientific studies on forgiveness where groups who were instructed in forgiveness and groups who were not were compared there was found reliable proof that there are benefits to forgiveness.[49]   In other observations by therapists who work with people on forgiving he found psychological as well as physiological benefits as a result of their forgiveness.  R.C. Hunter, a Canadian psychiatrist reported that “people who have a wide variety of psychological symptoms can experience healing through forgiving…those who are anxious can experience an increased inner peace through forgiveness…those who are depressed, intensely angry, or even paranoid have shown a significant reduction in their symptoms.”[50]  Legitimate acts of forgiveness led to an improvement in emotional maturity according to Morton Kaufman, an Israeli psychiatrist, and a reduction in fear was observed by Richard Fitzgibbons, a Pennsylvania psychiatrist.  In a controlled group study, held at the University of Wisconsin, to test the effects of forgiveness, Dr. Enright and colleagues found that “those who take the time to go through the forgiveness process become psychologically healthier.”[51] Enright sites more on studies of the relationship between anger and forgiveness where there was a reduction in anger when forgiveness was applied to a deeply offensive hurt.[52] 
Through Wright’s observation and Enright’s clinical studies and observation it can clearly be found that forgiveness can produce less stress, fewer hurt feelings, lower blood pressure, less depression, more self-confidence, an increased sense of physical well-being, and greater feelings of hope.
Conclusion
Within the context of this paper it has been this author’s goal to make a case for forgiveness.  By revealing the nature and importance of forgiveness, spiritually, emotionally, and physically one can clearly see the benefits of choosing to forgive others, as well as asking for forgiveness from God and others for hurts inflicted.  It has been understood that justice is the law of God.  In the context of forgiveness and offenses this means if we get hurt, we can hurt back, or if we do commit an offense toward others it must be made right.  We were created with a sense of justice that causes us to understand this concept.  In executing this justice the Bible states in Exodus 21:23-24, a life for a life, an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.  If we want this justice to operate in our lives then we must understand that we will be dealt with by the same rules.  It is good and fair, but it is also a place where Satan can become our accuser.  As we live in judgment towards other, Satan has the right to judge us.  While justice is good, mercy is better.  Living in grace and mercy keeps Satan from bringing destruction in our lives.[53]
There is a sense of responsibility that comes with forgiving and asking forgiveness that cannot be denied.  Only the injured party can bring forgiveness and tenderheartedness.  This can be seen in God’s heart towards us as sinners.  Just as God forgives us it therefore becomes our responsibility to bring reconciliation in our own relationships, admitting our failures when we are wrong and forgiving others who hurt us. Trust is important in the forgiveness process for both the offended and the offender and revealing to others we are willing to change our behavior and showing we are trustworthy as well as forgiving will go a long way toward reconciliation.[54]
We have also found there are many physiological consequences and benefits when it comes to the concept of forgiveness. One of the most important benefits of forgiveness is that it can reduce levels of anger and resentment and help us to stop blaming others for the pain that we feel so we can start looking at our experiences in a new way.  Once the focus is turned toward our own hearts as Matthew 7:3-5 shows us we can find forgiveness, blessing, and healing in our own lives as we forgive, bless, and seek healing and restoration with others.


[1] Jill Rigby, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, (New York, NY: Howard, 2008), 173.

[2] Frank L. Mauldin,  “Singularity and a Pattern of Sin, Punishment, and Forgiveness,” Perspectives in Religious Studies 10 no 1 (Spring 1983): 41.
[3] Bobby B. Cunningham, “The Will to Forgive: A Pastoral Theological View of Forgiving,Journal of Pastoral Care 39 no 2 (June 1985): 141.

[4] Tim Clinton, Archibald Hart, and George Ohlschlager, ed., Caring for People God’s Way: Personal and Emotional Issues, Addictions, Grief, and Trauma (Nashville, TN: Thomas  Nelson, 2005), 121-22.

[5] R.C.H. Lenski, The Interpretation of St. Luke’s Gospel, (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing, 1946), 1133.

[6] Sandra D. Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and healing for yourself and your Relationships, (Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House, 2001), 204.

[7] R.T. Kendall, Total Forgiveness, (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma Publishing, 2002), 69.

[8] Everett L. Worthington, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A guide to brief therapy, (Downers Grove, IL: Inter Varsity Press, 1999), 135.

[9] Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, 130.

[10] Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001), 26-29.

[11] Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, 130-135.
[12] Sandra D. Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and healing for yourself and your Relationships, (Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House, 2001), 202.

[13] Hurt People Hurt People, 203.
[14] Tim Clinton, and  Ron Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, (US: AACC Press, 2007), 119-120.

[15] Liz Cutis Higgs, Embrace Grace: Welcome to the forgiven life, (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook, 2006), 107.

[16] Tim Clinton, and  Ron Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, (US: AACC Press, 2007), 120.

[17] Carnegie Samuel Calian, “Christian Faith as Forgiveness,” Theology Today 37 no 4 (January 1981): 439.

[18] Tim Clinton, and  Ron Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, (US: AACC Press, 2007), 114.
[19] Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, 120-21.

[20] R.T. Kendall, Total Forgiveness, (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma Publishing, 2002), 71.

[21] Total Forgiveness, 71-72.
[22] Tim Clinton, and  Ron Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, (US: AACC Press, 2007), 115.

[23] Chester & Betsy Kylstra, Biblical Healing and Deliverance, (Grand Rapids, MI: Chosen, 2005), 51.

[24] Liz Cutis Higgs, Embrace Grace: Welcome to the forgiven life, (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook, 2006), 102-3.

[25] Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001), 11.

[26] Sandra D. Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and healing for yourself and your Relationships, (Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House, 2001), 201.

[27] Jill Rigby, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, (New York, NY: Howard, 2008), 177.

[28] Edward Smith, Healing Life’s Deepest Hurts, (Campbellsville, KY: New Creation, 2002), 121-128.

[29] Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001), 9-10.

[30] Edward Smith, Healing Life’s Deepest Hurts, (Campbellsville, KY: New Creation, 2002), 126.

[31]Sandra D. Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and healing for yourself and your Relationships, (Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House, 2001), 201.

[32] Tim Clinton, and  Ron Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, (US: AACC Press, 2007), 117.

[33] Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001), 78.

[34] Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, 34.

[35] Tim Clinton, and  Ron Hawkins, Biblical Counseling Quick Reference Guide, Personal and Emotional Issues, (US: AACC Press, 2007), 118 -19.

[36] Jill Rigby, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World,  (New York, NY: Howard, 2008), 166-67.

[37] Everett L. Worthington, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A guide to brief therapy, (Downers Grove, IL: Inter Varsity Press, 1999), 131.

[38] Chuck Lynch, I Should Forgive, But…: Finding Release from the Bondage of Anger and
 Bitterness, (Nashville, TN: Word, 1998), 242.

[39] Ed Glassock, “Forgiveness and Cleansing According to I John 1:9,” Bibliotheca sacra 166 no 662 (April – June 2009): 220-21.

[40] Jill Rigby, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, (New York, NY: Howard, 2008), 175.


[41]R.C.H.  Lenski, The Interpretation of St. Mark’s Gospel, ( Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg    Publishing, 1946), 496-97.

[42] Jill Rigby, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, (New York, NY: Howard, 2008), 176.

[43]John Arnott, The Importance of Forgiveness, (What Christians Should Know Series. US: Sovereign World Limited, 1997),13.

[44] Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001), 50-55.

[45]Henry Wright, A More Excellent Way: A teaching on the spiritual roots of disease, (Thomaston, GA: Pleasant Valley Church, 2002), 67.             

[46] Henry Wright, A More Excellent Way: A teaching on the spiritual roots of disease, (Thomaston,                GA: Pleasant Valley Church, 2002), 247.           

[47] Jill Rigby, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, (New York, NY: Howard, 2008), 176.

[48] Henry Wright, A More Excellent Way: A teaching on the spiritual roots of disease, (Thomaston,                GA: Pleasant Valley Church, 2002), 95.             


[49] Robert D. Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope, (Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001), 12.

[50] Forgiveness is a Choice, 13.

[51] Ibid, 14-16.

[52] Ibid, 62-63.
[53] John Arnott, The Importance of Forgiveness, (What Christians Should Know Series. US: Sovereign World Limited, 1997),11-12.

[54] Henry Cloud, and John Townsend, Boundaries in Marriage, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1999), 139.

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