This season of my life has been a very interesting one to say the least. I have been very dissatisfied with where I am in my spirituality, in my work, in my relationships, in my church life, in my home life, etc... It seems as though every area of my life is stuck somehow and refuses to go forward. Now I have plumbing issues that have been ongoing for about a month without any solution that is affordable. I was telling the Lord this morning that I feel my spiritual condition is manifesting in the physical realm through my plumbing issues. This seems to happen to me a lot, I will have a spiritual issue going on in my life and it will somehow show up in my physical reality. Then there are times I will have a physical reality that will later show up in my spiritual reality. This is one of the ways the Lord speaks to me about what is going on in my life and sometimes in the lives of others.
Anyway this feeling of being stuck appears to be manifesting in every area of my life. I am ending one season and trying to transition into another season. However the transition is not happening and I feel stuck somewhere in the middle, not being able to go forward and not being able to go backward either. To give you an idea of what this looks like I am going to relay some of the particular events occurring in my life during this season. First of all, I felt the Lord asked me to lay down everything I had been doing at church in order to come to a new place of intimacy with Him as well as concentrate on helping my daughter transition into the next phase of her life. I did that back in July-September finishing up my last obligation in December. So every place in which I had identity within the church structure is gone. If you have ever had to do this you can understand what a loss this is and how it feels like a large piece of who you are no longer exists.
Next, I have been a mother for what seems like my entire life, it has been my identity and I would not know how to live my life without being a mother to someone. My youngest child is now 18 years old and has moved to Los Angeles to go to college. She wants to be an actress and influence Hollywood with the love of the Father, which by the way, she was made to do and I know she will do. So much of the last few months of my life have been consumed by making sure she had everything she needed to achieve her dreams and goals and get her moved to California. She is now safe and happy in a good home where she is loved and encouraged to go after God and everything He has for her. So where does that leave me? Without a child to mother; and another part of my identity that has been taken away.
I have always felt I would one day get married again and have hoped for the day when I felt released to date. I never felt God wanted me to date while I was raising my children for their sanity as well as my own. Now that my children are grown I feel a release to begin looking around at the men the Lord has placed in my life but I am not having much luck. I feel transition in this area is right around the corner and at the same time very far out of reach.
My finances have always been a place of faith for me. I felt after my divorce the Lord still wanted me to stay home as much as possible, like I did while I was married, in order to be there for my children and possibly diminish the effects of the divorce. So for 11 years raising my children the Lord has provided for us without me having to work full time. His provision has been a beautiful thing to watch and He has taught me so much about myself and about Him that I would have never learned otherwise.
I am very thankful for this journey of faith He has taken me on over the last 11 years. Over the past several months, however, I have been receiving words and confirmations that there is coming a change in my finances, that bills would be completely paid off, and I would have an exponential increase in my finances. So I have been very expectant looking at any opportunity that comes up to see if God is in it. However, if you look at my circumstances right now with being $88k in debt with school loans, no car, a part time job where I receive donations for my services, my daughter's school bill of over $9k half of which is due now, plumbing issues that are going to run about $1800, no money in savings, no help from family members, and no responses to the many job applications I have sent out, you may say where is God in all this. He is not showing up at all. Unfortunately, I cannot go there with you. My experience has been God always shows up and makes a way when life looks impossible. Although I know God will show up, I still feel stuck unable to go forward and unable to go backward.
I asked the Lord about this feeling of being stuck because I have learned over the years that anytime I am going through transition there will be times of feeling lost, lonely, and confused. In the past these times have been seen to be the result of the Lord trying to get something out of me that is not like Him or doesn't line up with who He is or His Word. I have learned many lessons over the years and the most important one of all is to go to Him in those times when I don't understand and am tempted to question what I already know to be true about Him.
So after laying all of this before Him this is what I heard Him say, "Suzanne, I am preparing you for the next season and there are parts of you having a hard time with it, but now is the time and my timing is perfect. You will get unstuck and it will be a place of freedom and rest for you. I am teaching you new things in this season that will open up in you an awareness of Me and My plan for you to walk in. This awareness will propel you into the next season of your life. Write about what you are experiencing in this season and how I am showing you My grace and revelation of who you are. The time for the sons of God to be revealed on the earth is fast approaching and I have prepared you to be revealed."
Okay, so that is why I am writing all this down in my blog, because I feel as I get more and more revelation and I share it, more and more revelation will come and I will grow into who He created me to be. One of the places that I am getting revelation is through the teaching of Ian Clayton. The Lord first hinted at the fact that He wanted me to listen to him back in July when Rachael came home for a month. She told me about him and we listened to one of his teachings on a road trip we took together. At the time I was very impressed with what I heard and wanted to hear more, however, life got in the way and I ended up forgetting about him and what I had heard.
Then when Elizabeth and I went to California in early December to look for her a place to live, the lady she is living with now asked if I had ever heard of Ian Clayton. I told her the name sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. She told me a little about what he taught and that she and the church she attends really agree with and follow his teaching. I couldn't argue with the things she was telling me that he taught but I didn't know this guy and what he taught and I was leaving my baby here with this woman, so I was a little skeptical. However, I did not have a check in my spirit so by the time we got back home and life got in the way I didn't think about again.
Then again when we went to California to move Elizabeth there we talked with the woman again about his teachings and again I was skeptical but didn't have a check in my spirit. So I talked with Elizabeth about it and we both agreed we needed to listen to his teaching before making a judgment call and we both agreed it seemed weird but we weren't discerning anything that wasn't of God. Elizabeth agreed that she would keep her discernment up and pray about whatever came up, so I felt better. After getting home I was determined to check out his teachings in order to make a sound decision.
Once I listened to the first teaching I was hooked. I began to grow in the Lord exponentially because I finally found a place where I felt I was really being fed. The reason his teachings are so different is because he teaches the Bible from a Hebraic standpoint instead of a Greek standpoint. He interprets the Scriptures from the Hebrew instead of the Greek so a lot of what he says can really test your theology, make you think, and go to God for the truth which in my case has always the best place to be. I am amazed how his teaching has begun to answer so many questions I have had over the years about certain Scripture passages. I have a Master's degree in Theology and have studied the Bible extensively over the years with so many questions unanswered. Hearing certain explanations of passages from a Hebraic standpoint has opened my eyes to so much more of an awareness of the nature of God and has brought freedom through understanding and revelation.
I have learned so much about going into the court room of heaven and taking care of business there instead of trying to do it from an earthly standpoint. We have been given an open door to the throne room of God to ask for forgiveness and be called righteous before God, to worship in His presence without fear, to claim what is our inheritance through the shed blood of Jesus, and to petition God on our behalf for the things we need from moment to moment. As a result of interceding from the court room of heaven instead of from an earthly place I have seen some of the places in my life become unstuck over the last few days.
Money has come in to take care of my plumbing, which I see as a sign in the spirit realm of the beginning of the physical realm becoming unstuck. As the plumbing problem is getting resolved I have also seen money come in from unexpected sources to begin to cover my daughter's tuition costs and I received a phone call for an interview for a job. Slowly the pipes of my life are being unclogged as I gain more and more revelation of my position in this earth as well as in heaven and I am certain I will see the completion of free flowing pipes in the natural as well as the spiritual very soon.
If you would like to hear some of the teachings I have been listening to you can go to ITunes and put in Ian Clayton podcast in the search and you will see about 23 teachings you can download for free. Also, if you get hooked like I have you can find teachings you can purchase at his website: resources.sonofthunder.org
I hope you will take the time to check out his teachings, I know it will inspire you and bring revelation.
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