Grace

The grace of the Lord is a mysterious thing. I feel as though it has been extended to me in abundance throughout my lifetime. I have seen it expressed as favor, restitution, redemption, and freedom, as well as many other things. For some reason beyond my comprehension God has pour out His grace on my life in ways I never dreamed He would or could do. It has taught me so much about His nature and His love. I do not know where I would be without Him. His grace IS sufficient!

God’s grace for me has been one of salvation, redemption, healing, restoration, and provision. Grace encompasses so much and has been a part of my life for so long that it has become a personal friend and help. I believe grace is not only given to us for salvation but is also a mantle we can wear no matter what we are facing. It has been my experience in life that “I can do all things through Christ….because His grace is sufficient” to me. I know for my own life it has always been there even from day one especially for healing and protection.

I have always been pretty stubborn, I know a portion of it comes from my Irish/Scottish/ Indian/German lineage, but also I feel it is from feeling the need to take care and look out for myself at a young age. Whether this need was just perceived or real is hard to say, but it was there and it felt very real. As an infant it became quickly apparent to my mother that I was not a healthy baby. I say mother because I don’t have very many memories of my father, as a child, he just was not there, and he left all together when I was four. According to her, as I have no memory of this, I almost died several times because my throat would begin to close up and I would just quit breathing. The doctors soon found out I had many allergies to the point that out of 80 foods I could only eat 8. I was also allergic to animals, dust, grass, and many other things.

Clearly, I was not born to live for very long in this world and have felt like a stranger from as early as I can remember. Many nights my mother would sit up with me all night elevating my head so I could breathe. She has told me that one night after being up with me every night for two weeks, she was so tired she could not stay awake and she kept waking up to me gasping for air. She was so desperate and exhausted she was sobbing and she told God she could not do it anymore and she thanked Him for giving me to her for the short time she had me. She said she knew I would not last through the night, as my breathing had gotten so bad and she knew she could not stay awake. She said right then she gave me back to God and expected me to die sometime during the night. Obviously I did not die, and the Lord graciously allowed me to live for a reason.

A few years ago Jesus was taking me through a time of healing and showed me eight other times in my lifetime where I came very close to death. Not only did I have severe allergies as an infant, but I fell out of a car when I was five. I had chronic bladder and kidney infections as a child, and I had an ovarian cyst to burst when I was 14 which led to a 2 ½ ounce pool of blood gathering behind my bladder. Unfortunately it was not found until it had gangrene in it and the doctors were amazed that it had not already poisoned my body. I was in a car accident when I was 16 where the car literally dropped, not rolled, down a 15 foot embankment. I had another car accident when I was 17 as another car pulled out in front of me and I slammed into them. After a failed marriage in my thirties I became so depressed that I came very close to killing myself. Then a few years ago after having severe pain and not being able to keep anything on my stomach for almost a month, I had surgery to take out my gallbladder. After removing it the doctor said my gallbladder was so bad it had already began to petrify and was as hard as a rock. It had also begun to poison my body and he could not believe I was not worse. Once God had reminded me of all these incidents He took me back to each one and showed me where I believed lies about Him. He wanted to show me that He was there at every incident and His grace was protecting me from the hand of the enemy.

I am not sure the enemy really knows my purpose here on earth but I think he has an idea. I figure as long as I don’t know the full extent of my purpose neither does he and that means if God, who knows everything, is on my side, I will always be one step ahead of the enemy, walking in whatever God has for me, and I will always be protected from anything the enemy wants to throw at my life until my purpose here on earth is complete and God calls me home to Him. I feel very thankful for the grace of God that has been very evident within my life.