Boundaries

For a while I have felt the Lord prompting me to do an article on boundaries. I have been reluctant to do this as I wasn’t sure I had a full grasp of boundaries myself. After one of my pastors taught on good lines and bad lines I knew God was saying again to write. So I will attempt to pen those things the Lord has taught me and in the process hope to learn more for myself.

Boundaries have always been a fuzzy thing for me. In some areas I know I have set up good boundaries for myself, like choosing at an early age not to drink or smoke because of the pattern of addictions I saw in my family. In other areas though, it has not been as easy. The way I discipline my children can be difficult and always being consistent can be hard, but I am trying.

Boundaries are an important part of everyday life; they can be as simple as following a daily schedule or keeping a watch on how we speak to others; or as complex as knowing who are the “safe” or “not safe” individuals in our lives or choosing to begin or end a relationship. Knowing where to “draw the line” for ourselves and others in communication and relationships is an important part of coming into the purpose God intended for us. Each one of us is born with a purpose and a destiny to fulfill and the decisions and choices we make determine how quickly we see the realization of that purpose.

I feel this article is timely as it seems as if God is calling all of us to a higher standard of living. He seems to be asking us to lay aside the way we have always done things and seek Him for a better way.

In my desire for setting up good boundaries I can see Father God pointing to the reasons inside of me that keep me in places of frustration, anger, temptation, and anxiety. I want those things that keep tripping me up to be replaced by God.

Setting up boundaries can be difficult at times because it can involve trusting others. Being accountable to others to help us see ourselves as we really are can be scary. However, if we take the step and allow those God has placed in our lives to speak direction and discernment to us, we will gain freedom to walk into our destiny. Knowing ourselves and loving ourselves enough to set boundaries which regulate our behavior creates open doors to healthy boundaries in all our relationships.

Understanding that communication is a big part of this and desiring not only to be heard and understood but also to hear and understand as well, is an important aspect to consider when dealing with boundaries. Sometimes this can be difficult as personalities clash and resentment and hurt are allowed to remain.

Boundaries can sometimes appear to be restrictions or rules to follow, but in reality a boundary that is set up is a path to freedom.

In order to understand boundaries the best place to look is the Word of God. It is full of instruction and revelation on how to not only recognize boundaries but also to help us gain understanding on where we are in need of boundaries in our own lives.

The book of Ephesians is a great place to start to get a feel for what boundaries look like. Reading Ephesians can help you determine where you have already placed boundaries in your life and where you might need them.

In Proverbs 19 verse 20, we find a call to have an inner self boundary of being teachable in order to gain wisdom. Verse 8 of that same chapter show us that gaining wisdom brings satisfaction in life; and being understanding with others will bring prosperity and good things. Also in verse 23, by reverently and worshipfully fearing the Lord we gain life and keep evil away from our lives. Each one of these boundaries can bring freedom in certain areas of our lives if we will allow them to work in us. In reality the boundaries we set up for ourselves become safety nets that will catch us and keep us from getting hurt.

There is a continual growing process going on in our lives which encompasses four steps: knowing ourselves; embracing and accepting ourselves; manifesting ourselves; and supporting and validating ourselves. It is important that we take each one of these steps and incorporate them into the process of setting up boundaries for ourselves.

When we do not let these four things cycle through our lives, we often make wrong choices and can sabotage our destiny. Sabotage is rarely done on purpose – we may accidentally or unwillingly get in the way of the fulfillment of our destiny. This is very normal. Fears, insecurities, and doubt tend to surface as we move forward. Then it is easy to get caught up in other’s opinions and stop listening to and trusting what God is saying to us.

Offense is a huge barrier that keeps us from the freedom having boundaries can bring. Every one has been hurt by someone, but it is not the hurt that affects our lives, it is what we do with the hurt. When we are in the midst of an offense we make decisions and pronouncements that set the course of our lives and bring into play the law of sowing and reaping. Galatians 6:7-9, tell us that what we sow, we reap. Just like a farmer sows seeds of corn in the spring, he expects corn to come up in the summer. The same is true of our lives if we sow unforgiveness and judgement, we will reap unforgiveness and judgement; but if we sow forgiveness and blessing, we will reap forgiveness and blessing. Setting up an inner boundary that keeps us away from offense and gives us the freedom to forgive and release others from our judgement is one of the best boundaries we can have.

The Bible talks about the effects of unforgiveness on our lives in Matthew 18: 34-35, when it reveals that out of ignorance and bitterness if we refuse to forgive others we subject ourselves to all manner of torment. Also in Matthew 7:1, it says not to judge, criticize, or condemn others so we are, not judged, criticized or condemned. Unforgiveness often begins with a belief in a lie about the person who offended us. It is important to try and understand the person’s heart and motivations or level of control; they may in fact be victims of hurt and offense themselves. By setting up an inner boundary to first gain God’s perspective of the person who offended us, we will find that forgiveness can be a natural outcome of God’s love for the person flowing through us. We can choose to forgive and remove judgement over those individuals who have offended us and free ourselves not only from the pain, poverty, and torment, but also from the judgements we have spoken over others.

When setting up boundaries within relationships our best example to follow is Jesus. The Gospels show how Jesus dealt with individuals in His own life with love, honor, and respect; but also it shows that He was a man who lived within the safety of boundaries.